University Health Services

• Coping with Layoff Stress

• Managing through Transitions
• Tips for Managers Experiencing a Reduction in Workforce
• Managing Workplace Reactions to Layoffs

• An Overview of Stress
• Stress Management Tips
• Managing the Stress of Change/Transition
• Coping with the Stress of Layoff and Unemployment

• Facing Grief
• Coping with the Death of a Co-worker
• Coping with Trauma 
• What You Can Do For A Person in Grief

How to Address Negative Thinking  

Negative self-talk is the accumulation of self-limiting messages we have become accustomed to saying to ourselves. Breaking this destructive habit is possible, though it takes time and effort.

If you have been talking to yourself for a long time in this negative manner, it will take repetition and practice to learn more constructive and helpful ways of thinking. The following are key steps to learn to talk to yourself like a friend rather than an enemy. 

Notice: Negative thoughts often come so quickly and automatically that we are unaware of them. We start to feel bad, but we do not notice the thoughts that are causing it. To counter these thoughts and feel better, we first need to become aware of them as they arise. We have to "catch ourselves in the act" of negative self-talk, especially when we are dealing with new situations or situations that have always been difficult for us, e.g., public speaking, meeting new people, or learning a new skill. When you start to feel anxious, upset, or sad, take it as a signal to pay attention to what you are thinking and what you are thinking about. 

Question: Given the reality that most negative self-talk is false, irrational, and self-defeating, it makes sense that the first thing you want to do is question what is happening and not just sit with your bad feelings. We can ask ourselves:

• What am I saying to myself that is making me feel bad?
• Do I really want to do this to myself?
• Do I really want to stay upset? 

Breathe Deeply: Negative self-talk is often so rapid, automatic, and subtle that it can be hard to figure out exactly what you are saying to yourself. It is important to find a way to relax so that you can slow down your mind and body and identify the negative messages you are using. A quick and easy way to relax is to take many deep abdominal breaths, feeling your stomach expand with each inhale and contract with each exhale.  

Record the Thoughts: Write down the negative thoughts or inner dialogue that led you to feel anxious, sad, or depressed. Writing down the negative self-talk helps you see it as separate from yourself and makes it clear exactly what the thoughts are. It may take some practice to do this, and you will need to separate thoughts from the feelings they evoke. You can try writing down the feeling first, e.g., “I’m anxious," and then the thought that led to it - "I will never get this done on time". Remember, self-talk involves thoughts, not feelings.  

Identify the type of negative self-talk: Does it sound like the self-critic, the hopeless one, the perfectionist, or the worrier? How are you distorting what is happening? Are you over-estimating the risk, catastrophizing, overgeneralizing, and/or filtering?  

Respond to negativity with positivity: Write down a positive, nurturing statement to counter negative self-talk. Make it in the first person. For example: "I learn from my mistakes whenever I make them."  

Record a Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts: If you use it every day for a couple of months, you will find yourself automatically countering
your negative thoughts with positive self-talk. You will feel much better and more able to handle the stress in your life. Make copies of it and use it every day. 

Adapted and excerpted from: “The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook” by Edmund J. Bourne. 

• Understanding Anger