My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years and even though I really care about him, I think I’m interested in seeing other people. He’s great but I’m starting to wonder what I may be missing out on. Any advice?
Vini:
What do you think you’re missing out on? I would recommend thinking hard about what you feel you’re missing from your life and what you want. Is it something you can get in your current relationship? Is the reason you’ve started to wonder about other options because you’re genuinely curious, or because there are issues in your current relationship? If it’s the latter, are these problems solvable or not? If you feel like you’re forcing yourself to stay in this relationship, then you should end it, because it’s not fair to you or your boyfriend. Don’t worry too much about letting a good person go; it doesn’t matter how great he is if the relationship’s not working out for you. I hope this helps! Good luck!
Simran:
Hi there! First off, let me just say congrats on finding a great guy and making it work for 3 years. That’s a solid amount of time! It’s great that you care about him and it’s also great that you’ve acknowledged the fact that there might be something that you’re missing out on. Many people in stable relationships might be afraid to acknowledge that. Let me start by asking why you might feel like you are missing out on something. Are some of your friends entering new relationships? Has your relationship fallen into a routine that isn’t as exciting as it used to be? If you answered yes to either of the questions, I can understand where you’re coming from. When you’re in a long-term relationship and you see your friends entering into new and exciting relationships, you can feel sort of jealous. Also, after a couple of years, you may start to get bored because you think you’ve learned everything about your significant other or that you’ve tackled every relationship milestone. In these cases, if you are still in love with your boyfriend and enjoy being with him, I suggest you to try spice things up before breaking up with a guy you think is great. If you genuinely think that you may be happier with another person or that your current relationship is no longer making you happy, then I would consider talking to your boyfriend and voicing the fact that you are interested in seeing other people. No matter what you choose to do, I think the first step should be to analyze why you might want to see other people and then take it from there.
Angela:
Relationships might very well be one of the most complicated things to deal with in life. They can be amazing, but every relationship experiences hard times. Dedicating yourself to someone for 3 years is a long time and during this relationship, you’ve probably learned each other’s ways and small habits. It is normal to feel like you want something new and exciting. First, have you sat down and thought about your relationship with your boyfriend? What does this relationship mean to you? How much does he mean to you? As I mentioned before, it’s normal to want to see other people, but it is also important to evaluate why you got into the relationship in the first place. Also, it would be helpful to question what happens after meeting someone new. Would the feeling of “I might still be missing out” still be in the back of your mind? Focus on what, or rather who, you have now and ponder on whether or not the relationship is worth letting go of. If you feel unhappy and want to explore the open ocean then do as you please! Make things clear with your boyfriend if you decide to break it off because it may be difficult for him, too. Just a heads up, if you don’t happen to find someone you click with, don’t expect to be able to run back to your boyfriend. Give yourself some alone time to think about this; weigh out the pros and cons. This isn’t an easy decision, especially since this is a 3-year relationship! Sure, there are many fish in the sea, but is the one you’re hooked on worth staying with? These are just some questions that you can ask yourself before deciding on anything. I wish you the best of luck. Remember, your happiness is first and whatever your choice may be, I’m sure your partner would respect it.
Justin:
In my experience, most bumps in a relationship can be successfully worked out by opening up a dialogue. You don’t necessarily have to start the conversation with something like, “I think I want to see other people,” but preferably, by stating your concerns regarding missing out on certain aspects of life, and therefore creating an option to work things out, rather than just ending things there on the spot. By approaching the conversation in this way, you can also give him the space to state any concerns he may be having as well. Maybe he’s feeling the same way that you do. If you’re looking to possibly maintain the relationship while exploring things outside of it while you’re here in college, consider the possibility of opening up the relationship to other partners. Open relationships aren’t for everyone, but they do work well for certain relationships depending on your communication style. If you’re interested in exploring the topic of open relationships, check out the videos I’ve attached below to help provide some background!
Bustle article: The Dos and Don'ts of Non-Monogamy
A relationship model is different for everyone. Start things off by opening up a dialogue, you’d be surprised how far that can take you in terms of figuring out your mutual goals and desires. If, for whatever reason, the idea of an open relationship is appealing to you, check out those resources I linked. However, some of them try to define what an open relationship is, and I want you to keep in mind that that is for you to decide for yourself based on what you and your partner want/are comfortable with.
Also, if you’d like to practice techniques to open up a dialogue, check out SHEP. They’re a great group of peer sexual health educators that have a drop-in clinic in Health Promotion (the 2nd floor of the Tang Center) every Friday from 12-3 pm, and they could help you process your thoughts and feelings surrounding this topic/any topic relating to sexual health!