What is healthy fighting in a relationship?

August 17, 2014

My boyfriend and I have a wonderful, fun, and caring relationship, but whenever we get into fights he completely shuts down, doesn't reach out, and can be really narrow-minded about hearing my perspective. I've talked to him about how I feel and he reacted well, but is there any way to facilitate communication if we have another argument? Thanks!

It’s not healthy for your boyfriend to shut down when the two of you get into a fight. It was smart on your part to talk to him about it. From my personal experience, I realized in retrospect just how important it is to keep pushing for open communication even when the situation is seemingly hopeless of even trivial. I know sometimes it may feel easier to just try and forget an argument when he shuts down, but try your best to keep pushing for better communication. It will pay off in the long run. Hope this helps! Best of luck, darling. –Jami

It seems like your boyfriend is only willing to listen after he’s cooled down. In this case, maybe it’s best for you two to give each other a little space to breathe and evaluate the situation after a fight, rather than trying to establish perspectives or solve your issues on the spot. During your conflict, try your best to keep an even temper and let him know that you both need your space to calm down and think before trying to fix anything together. Afterwards, when he’s in a better mood, calmly bring the issue up with him (now that’s it’s been addressed) and try to talk it out then. –Amanda