Turning down a friend for a club officer position

March 3, 2014

My friend applied as an officer in a club that I am a chairmen for. I thought she was decently qualified, but my co-chair said that promoting her to an officer position might cause drama in the club because it seems like we’re playing favoritism (which we kinda did slightly throughout the year.)

We picked a different applicant. She was a little upset but she got over it. Fast forward 4 months, it accidentally slipped out that the reason she wasn’t picked as an officer was because we didn’t want to hurt the rep of the club. Now she’s really upset with me and she wont talk to me. She’s acting up in the club and the other officers are talking about kicking her out. I dont know how to save our friendship. 


I would give your friend some time to calm down so you two can discuss the situation and your friendship in a more reasonable manner.  Don’t kick her out of your club without talking to her! Tell her your side of the story, but at the same time, be considerate and understanding of her feelings.  She may not understand it at first, but she will eventually respect your decision to be honest with her.  Don’t worry, not all friendships are smooth sailing for these obstacles are what makes friendships stronger.

Good Luck! Lauren

 There’s a fine line between work and relationships. In this case, your club is “work” and your friendship is your “relationship.” If your friend is taking out her anger about the club on you, it is obvious that she is misdirecting her anger and confusing the two boundaries. However, it sounds like you had also muddled the two boundaries when you used your friendship with her to influence the selection process. I think the best thing you can do is talk to her about recognizing the difference between the two. Start out by apologizing to her for an unfair selection of officers and how you confused work and relationships. But, also point out that she is doing the same by taking out her anger about club affairs on your friendship. I am not sure how your club’s system for officers work. But, if she does decide to reapply, give her a fair chance. Hope this helps! Best of luck, darling. Jami

 Relationships with friends are difficult when club politics get involved. Try to understand from her side why she has the right to be upset, but also try to explain to her why the chair members had to make that decision. Since election already happened, there is no going back, so instead suggest to her that she should continue to be a faithful member and follow her duties. She can then apply the following semester. If it is best that she isn’t in the club because the situation has gotten out of hand, try to save the friendship at least and if she is a good friend, she will also try to understand that you didn’t mean to hurt her. I’m sure it will all work out, good luck! Rowena