March 31, 2014
My roommate’s boyfriend is always over at our place. It’s a bit frustrating; because I told her again and again I don’t feel comfortable with her boyfriend sleeping over. Our place is cramped, and a third person is bothersome. I guess she thought a loophole would be to sneak him in after I fell asleep (which is arguably one of the stupidest loopholes I have ever encountered.) Our water and electricity bills got higher after he started coming over. When I brought this up to them, he offered to pay for a third. At first, I thought okay, because that meant fewer bills. But I guess we had a miscommunication, and now her boyfriend feels like he has more of a right to stay over. But he does not.
A good roommate (and roommate’s boyfriend for that matter) should not manipulate you. Your roommate should respect your comfort levels without pushing your buttons. If talking to her did not work, try setting up a roommate contract with a system and consequences for breaching the contract. First, compromise with your roommate on an issue. For example, the boyfriend can sleep over on the weekends but not the weekdays. Next, figure out a consequence if the contract is breached. Perhaps she has to do dishes for a week, or the boyfriend loses his weekend sleeping over privileges. Up to the two of you. Hope this helps! Best of luck, darling. - Jami