Q&A: Family

August 26, 2014

I am having trouble with my family. My dad and my mom fight all the time. Most often, I side with my mom with their arguments and understand her reasoning. Although I love my father, he is extremely stubborn and does not want to listen or change his ways. I really do no know how to help the situation.


Dear Anonymous, This is a difficult situation and if it’s affecting your health, I would encourage you (if you are a Cal student) to talk to one of Cal’s Tang Center’s counselors and get some insights on how to proceed. Just know that it’s not your job to be your parents’ marriage counselor–they have to work it out, sometimes with the help of a couples counselor, a spiritual leader, etc.

Happy Father’s Day! 


I thought I would do a fun little post celebrating all those dads out there, since it is technically their special day.  One thing that I know for certain was that I could not have survived college without my father.  He is a Berkeley alumni and a true role model for myself.  I could always go to him for advice and for a little “self-confidence boost.”  He pushed me to be my best and taught me to never doubt myself.  I know I would not be the person I am today without him. 

During my time on the blog, I answered a lot of questions regarding relationship advice with friends, roommates, GSIs, significant others, etc; however, I got relatively few questions regarding parents - I feel that parents are just as important of a relationship to maintain in college.  There were multiple times where I felt defeated by school; however, I always found myself bouncing back because of the unconditional love from my supportive family.  When you go into college, think of it as an opportunity to strengthen your bond with your family.  Cherish your family and show some appreciation once in awhile.  Although sometimes you might not see it, I’m sure they are super proud of you (I mean come on, you got into the best public university)!

Have a superb Sunday, everyone!

Lauren

I’m homesick, and it’s only been a few weeks! How am I going to make it through college?


Feeling homesick is normal–difficult, sucky, and all around chocolate-worthy, but normal. Call your family or your friends, (or both!) but try to get to know more people at Cal. Homesickness comes from missing home, but college can easily become a second home once you find a community that love you, and that you love. Hold on, and one day you might wake up to find the homesickness has gone away. –Echo

Every time I go home, my parents still treat me as if I’m still a kid. They always give me a hard time when I go out with my friends. They ask me what time i’m coming home, where i’m going, who i’m going out with etc. And then if I come home late at night I get in trouble. It’s as if I never left for college! It’s hard ‘cause at Cal I don’t have a curfew or anyone telling me when to come home. any advice? 


Babycakes,


Your parents may be protective so they have good intentions, but Mama Luv can understand how that’s frustrating. Try discussing with them how you feel. If they can gain your trust and understand you’re hanging out with well-intentioned friends, they may be more open to your staying out later at night. Don’t forget to keep your chin up, strut with confidence, and shake what your mama gave ya! Mama Luv is here to help.

Love,
Mama Luv 

In situations like these, it’s helpful to have patience. While you’ve done a lot of growing, your parents have had to do a lot of growing too. Sometimes it just takes time to get used to you not being their baby anymore. Like Mama Luv says, talk to them like the adult that you are, with respect in a calm and peaceful tone. Tell them how you feel and your concerns. This will show them that there’s really nothing to worry about!

Now, on the other hand, it’s possible that no matter what you do your parents will ALWAYS worry. They’re parents – it’s what they do. In this situation, you can’t do anything to change the way your parents feel, but you can focus on what you have control over: your attitude and the way you respond to the situation. How would your relationship change if you practiced acceptance? Maybe your parents’ worrying will never go away regardless of how old you get. 

– Marie