My girlfriend of two years cheated on me - how can I trust her?

September 23, 2016

I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years and my girlfriend and I have had what I consider a great relationship. Last week she confessed to cheating while she was home for the summer and I don’t know what to do. I try to be the best partner I can and know that she loves me but I’m mad and don’t trust her and have thought about breaking up. She says she wants to be with me but how do I know she’s telling the truth?


Every relationship with have its bumps—some larger than others. Your feelings are normal and it is okay to feel conflicted. Trust is a major piece in sustaining a strong relationship and without trust, it becomes difficult to communicate with your partner. Reevaluate your relationship and the values you uphold. Do you trust that she has learned from what had occurred? It will be hard to rebuild and develop that trust again. If she has had a significant impact on your life, consider giving her a second chance. You had mentioned that she confessed to cheating; perhaps, she wanted to be honest with you, instead of lying. I am not saying what she did was wrong, but people can learn from their wrongdoings. Is she willing to put in the effort to show you that she truly wants to stay with you? A relationship is a two way street. You need two people to keep it going and two people to establish trust. Be honest with your girlfriend and tell her how you hurt you feel. Ask her if she wants to stay in this committed relationship. It is always better to get a direct answer, than to come to assumptions on your own. Take the initiative to make the relationship better and see if she is willing to try as well. If it is mutual, then maybe you two can start rebuilding that trust and bond again. It is not going to be easy and there will be obstacles along the way, but nothing good ever came easy! 

-Angela

Hey there, First: I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve gone through. Being cheated on brings a bunch of bad feelings, but as with many other relationship problems, time does wonders to help you heal. As far as your future with your girlfriend, I believe that everyone is different, everyone’s significant other is different, and everyone’s relationship past is different. You’ve already stated that you’re “mad” and that you “don’t trust her.” Unfortunately, you can’t read her mind about whether or not she still truly wants to be with you. My best advice is for you to think about this decision in terms of the coming months and years. Do you see yourself ever forgiving her? Do you see her being faithful from now on? Do you see yourself moving on from this particularly painful event and trusting her again? If you answered no to any of those questions, I’d suggest that you strongly consider your thoughts about breaking up. Good luck, and trust your instincts!

Love, Simran