LOVE or nah?

September 22, 2017

How did you find out that you were in love with your partner?   


Tricky question! My first thought when I read this question was, "Well, how do you know that you love your parents?" Speaking from my experience, I'll list our some things that could possibly help you figure out if you were in love with your partner: 

  • Comfort 
    • This is when you can stuff cookies and chips in your mouth like you've never eaten before. It's when you can let out that toot and be able to laugh about it. This is when all of your nerves and feelings of fear, embarrassment, and even sadness can be expressed and you not feeling judged. When you're in love, you're fully comfortable with this person; you open up an entire side of you that is raw and vulnerable.
  • Caring unconditionally. 
    • As corny as this sounds, you care for this person with all of your heart. It's that type of care where when they hurt, you hurt a little on the inside, too. It's when you make breakfast for them because you want to see that smile on their face or when you go out of your way to help them out. You're in love when you care about your partner's happiness, fears, sadness, etc. 
  • You don't feel obligated to do anything. Your relationship should be effortless. 
    • Love isn't an obligation. You should feel like you're in the relationship without feeling like you have to do a ton of work. You shouldn't have to try so hard to look your best all the time, day and night, or pretend to be someone you're not. If you're able to fully be yourself, that's gold.
  • Trust is mutual. Respect. 
    • You're in love when you have complete trust in your partner. You don't doubt this person when you're away from them. You and your partner respect each other's privacy, but also know when clear communication is needed in a situation where obscurity is present. 
  • You and your partner are always trying (to improve/fix/compromise).
    • Love is when you can come to an agreement. Disagree but don't be disagreeable. When problems arise, you and your partner are able to respectfully talk things out. It's all about trying to improve instead of tearing each other down. At the end of the day, are you two able to forgive and move on with a positive outlook?
  • Are you happy? Who is the first person you think of when you want to do something fun? 
    • Lastly, ask yourself if you are happy with this person. Does this person make you feel loved, whatever that means to you. It can be different for everyone. Is this person someone you can learn from and is someone that is adding to your personal growth? 

For me, these are some of the major factors I look for to determine whether or not I'm in love with someone. Take everything I've written with a grain of salt, because all situations are different and it's really up to you. A lot of terms are subjective, so go with your strongest feeling. Good-luck! 

Angela

Hi there!
People fall in love with their partners at very different stages of their lives and even different stages into a relationship. In fact, I know that I fell in love with my partner at a time that was different than when he fell in love with me! I knew that I was in love with my partner when I realized how willing I was to make personal sacrifices to make the relationship work and to make my partner as happy as he makes me. And once I reached that point in my feelings for my partner, I never stopped to think about making those little sacrifices because I knew he would do the same for me.
Best, 
Simran

This question is especially hard to answer, because the definition of love can vary. In many ways I am not qualified to answer this question, since I myself am discovering what it means to love someone. Some say you’ll know you truly love someone when you put them before yourself. Or when they seems to always inch back into your mind no matter how hard you try not to. But truthfully, there is no clear-cut indication that you love someone. If you have a sore throat and a runny nose, it is reasonable to believe that you are sick. But love does not have universal “symptoms” that you can just see if you have. You might realize your love for someone while on a date, when they order pork ribs and look at you sheepishly with bbq sauce smeared across both cheeks. Or you might realize this love when your partner goes back home for the break and you suddenly find yourself watching both of your favorite tv series by yourself, missing their presence. Everyone will have their own unique answer. But I assure you, there will be a right time when you come to realize your love. It may not be in the near future. Or it may never be realized with that person. But when the time comes, you’ll know. 
David