My boyfriend is graduating from Berkeley and will be moving. We talked and are both willing to pursue a long-distance relationship. What are some strategies we can utilize for maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship?
Being in a long-distance relationship is going to be a big change for you two. I would text him at least once a day, but don’t be that clingy significant other. Your boyfriend is probably going to be busy with his life and you are going to be busy with yours. I would also get the SnapChat app and send photos to one another about both of your days whether it is your view from a hike, your food, or your awesome selfie. Also, try talking to one another at night. Don’t forget to include all of the small things in your day that might make your boyfriend laugh. This way, you two can still share and laugh at the small moments together. Finally, do your very best to pick a date when you two can reunite. It is always good to have a date to look forward to. Best of luck! —Lauren
I believe the best way to maintain a healthy long-distance relationship is to have a strong foundation to begin with. You have to make sure that both of you truly want it before you start. In my experience, long-distance relationships end when the relationship feels unequal and one person just stops trying. Try your best to figure out everything you can before the long distance even begins. Think about questions such as: how often would the two of you meet up? How often should the two of you talk? As long as you find agreements on some of the big issues in advance, I’m sure you could work it out along the way. Hope this helps! Best of luck, darling.—Jami
Surviving a Long Distance Relationship 101
I am sure there are a good number of you out there who are about to take on a long-distance relationship. Just because you might be going to a different school than your significant other does not mean that your relationship is doomed! I will share a few secrets that might help you survive a long-distance relationship.
- Secret #1: It does not matter whether your significant other goes to the same or different school as you. As long as you stay connected, intimate, part of each other’s life, and focused on one another, the distance will not matter. Thank goodness for technology. Always find time to talk to one another. You can have fun with this by using different social media platforms such as Snapchat or Instagram. If you are a foodie like myself, share your meals. It is a small way to keep your partner connected with your life. If you are a music lover, share songs with your partner! Keep them up to date with things you are currently obsessed with. If you are a Netflix junkie also like me, maybe take an hour out of your day to watch a TV series “together.” This gives you a common interest and something to talk about together.
- Secret #2: It is not going to be easy, so expect a rocky road ahead. However, all relationships are a roller coaster whether you are in the same school or not. Do not let your distance be an excuse for arguments. Be understanding of one another. Know how much space to give and how much affection you need to contribute. If you get into an argument, it is okay! Learn from your mistakes and move forward. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, only a strong one.
- Secret #3: From personal experience, I have learned how important it is in a long-distance relationship to save a date to see one another. Even if it is in a few months, it is crucial that you and your partner can look forward to seeing one another in the future. Whether it is you flying to his/her school or going to an event or a concert together, saving a date maintains hope in the relationship. It helps to have fun to look forward to, and when you are together, treasure the moments as much as possible. Be yourself and don’t be afraid to show your flaws. That is what helps maintain a strong and healthy relationship.
Hope these secrets help! - Lauren
I am a transfer to Cal and I found myself in a tricky situation. I met up with one of my old high school friends (who has been at Cal) and he showed me around.
I haven’t really made any friends here, so we have been spending a lot of time together. It’s great and all, but then one time he put his arm around me and it felt romantic. I feel confused. I do like him, but I don’t want to risk our friendship. At this point, it feels like he is my only friend, and it’s nice to have an old friend in a new school (a big one might I add.) I’m also afraid of confronting him, because I’m scared he’ll stop talking to me if I tell him I don’t want a boyfriend. What should I do?
If this guy is only talking to you because he’s interested in you, then he wasn’t a true friend to begin with. You shouldn’t feel obligated to pursue a romantic relationship with him just to maintain a relationship. Talk to him and try to see his perspective. Like you said, Cal is a big school, but don’t let that intimidate you! Statistically, think about how many people share the same interests as you and think about it as how many new friends you can make! Hope this helps. Best of luck. - Jami