I've been dating my long-distance boyfriend for a while now, about 10 months. We started dating during the last few months of high school.
I see him about once every month for a weekend or so. I feel like I've lost the physical attraction, but he has a very attractive personality/character that I would be sad to lose. He's my best friend. When we kiss, I don't feel the spark anymore though. And the sex was never really satisfying for me. I know it's satisfying for him and that he isn't losing the physical or emotional attraction. What should I do? We'll be within a 5-minute drive of each other during the summer, but it's a long-distance relationship during the school year.
I can tell that you care about your boyfriend very much. Long-distance relationships are a lot of work and you've maintained it for 10 months. You've also stated that you'd be sad to lose his attractive personality/character. However, sex not being satisfying for you, and the general loss of physical attraction can be an issue. Making the sex more satisfying for you both can be worked on over the summer when you can spend a lot more time together, however, the loss of physical attraction is a bit more challenging. Communication is important in sexual relationships, and making your needs and wants heard can go a long way. However, if the spark is truly not there anymore, I think that it will only hurt you both to drag out the relationship longer than necessary. Good luck! Simran
Long-distance relationships can be hard, especially for maintaining physical attraction. I would recommend waiting until the summer to see how things pan out. Since you will be a 5-minute drive away from each other, you two can potentially spend much more time together. You can then have more insight into how you feel when you are spending lots of time with him. The physical attraction may also rekindle since you two will be so close together. It seems like you are still attracted emotionally and personality-wise, and you appreciate his character. Physical connection is also decidedly important, but this can only be accurately gauged when you two can physically meet! Since summer is not that far away, I think it would be worth to wait before making any conclusive decisions. - Much love, David
Hi dear! First, props to you for trying long distance. It's difficult and frustrating at times, but it can also be rewarding. If he is your best friend, I would think about what it would be like if he weren't there anymore. Perhaps, you're not feeling the spark anymore because you think that you've lost the physical attraction. I would think about the positives; what are some things you love about your boyfriend? Were sex and physical attraction large contributing factors to why you two decided to date, to begin with? Maybe it would be beneficial for both of you to take a break and see how things are without having any attachments. You might need the time to think about what you are looking for, what you want, and what you need. The last thing you want is to be in a relationship and not be happy. That would be unfair to you and your boyfriend. Be open and talk to your boyfriend about the different options you both could try. Because I'm working with limited context, I suggest that you communicate with your friends as well. They are the ones who know you the best, so they might have some helpful insight that could be beneficial for your relationship in the long run. Even if you decide to take a break/break things off, that doesn't mean you two can't stay friends/best friends! - Angela