Long distance love losing steam

April 6, 2018

I've been dating my long distance bf for a while now, ~ 10 months (we started dating during the last few months of high school). I see him about once every month for a weekend or so. I feel like I've lost the physical attraction, but he has a very attractive personality/character that I would be sad to lose. He's my best friend. 

When we kiss, I don't feel the spark anymore though. And the sex was never really satisfying for me. I know that it's satisfying for him and that he isn't losing the physical or emotional attraction. What should I do? We'll be within 5 min drive of each other during the summer, but it's ldr during the school year.


 

Hi there, 
I can tell that you care about your boyfriend very much; long-distance relationships are a lot of work and you've maintained it for 10 months, and you've also stated that you'd be sad to lose his attractive personality/character. However, the sex never being satisfying for you and the general loss of physical attraction can be an issue. Making the sex more satisfying for you both can be worked on over summer, when you can spend a lot more time together, however the loss of physical attraction is a bit more challenging. Communication is important in sexual relationships, and making your needs and wants heard can go a long way! However, if the spark is truly not there anymore, I think that it will only hurt you both to drag out the relationship longer than necessary. 
Good luck!
Simran 
Long distance relationships can definitely be hard, especially for maintaining physical attraction. I would recommend waiting until the summer to see how things pan out- since you will be only 5 min drive from each other, you two can potentially spend much more time together. You can then have more insight on how you feel when you are spending lots of time with him. The physical attraction may also rekindle since you two will be so close together. It seems like you are still attracted emotionally and personality-wise, and you appreciate his character. Physical connection is also decidedly important, but this can only be accurately gauged when you two are able to physically meet! Since summer is not that far away, I think it would be worth to wait before making any conclusive decisions.
Much love
David

Hi dear! First, props to you for trying long distance. It's difficult and frustrating at times, but it can also be very rewarding. If he is your best friend, I would really think about what it would be like if he weren't there anymore. Perhaps, you're not feeling the spark anymore because you're already thinking that you've lost the physical attraction. I would think about the positives; what are some things you love about your boyfriend? Were sex and physical attraction large contributing factors for why you two decided date to begin with? Maybe it would be beneficial for the both of you to take a break and see how things are without having any attachment. You might need the time to think about what you are looking for, what you want, and what you need. The last thing you want is to be in a relationship and not be happy. That would be unfair to you and your boyfriend. Be open and talk to your boyfriend about the different options you both could try. Because I'm working with limited context, I would suggest for you to communicate with your friends as well. They are the ones that know you the best, so they might have some helpful insight that could be beneficial for your relationship in the long run. Even if you decide to take a break/break things off, that doesn't mean you two can't stay friends/best friends! 
Angela