I have met a couple of guys from Tinder in the past year.
On our first date, I could see they were physically attracted to me judging by their body language (hand-holding, hugging, tap of hand, and even attempted kissing). But it never leads to a second date and a relationship and I suspect it is my lack of personality. What do you advise in that case? How can I work on becoming a more fun person to talk to/be around? or should I just accept myself for who I am and wait for the right guy who will appreciate me for who I am and not just for my looks?
- How often did you talk before going on the first date?
- Have you tried video chatting before just to get to know them?
- Do you think they were in it for all of the wrong reasons?
In regards to not having second dates, I do not think it's due to the lack of personality. There is no such thing as a lack of personality. There are certainly different personalities, but none is better than or valued more than others. I honestly think you should just accept yourself for who you are. Please do not change for anyone else unless you truly believe that it is going to better you. You are seriously amazing just the way you are, so just continue to be you. Although there was hand-holding and whatnot on your dates, the guys may have just been looking for something short or a one-night kind of date. You could also ask these guys what they are looking for before going on a date with them. For some, they just want to have fun for a day, and for others, they might be looking for a relationship. Are you looking for a relationship? Is the person you are going on a date with just looking to hook up or are they also looking for something more long-term? You could also try switching to a different dating platform. There are a ton of dating sites in which you have more control over choosing the people you go on dates with. Some include Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, and OK Cupid. I've never used Bumble before, but I've heard from friends that the girls decide first if they are interested in pushing the relationship further. Good luck! - Angela
First, don’t jump to conclusions and be so hard on yourself! Tinder and other platforms have a reputation for being used to hook up and there is some truth to it. That isn’t to discourage you from using the app. I also know people who have had great success! But the Tinder environment might not be the most conducive to more serious relationships. It becomes much harder to meet people for a second and third time due to the fast-paced nature of constantly being matched, so do not take this personally. That being said, I do not think anyone has a “lack” of personality; there are only different ones! You hit on some important points on acceptance. I do not think you should work on becoming a fun person for the sake of others; only do things that are fun for YOU. If you focus on doing things that you are genuinely interested in, then you will become more enjoyable to be around since you will be truly passionate about these things and people will see how genuine you are. And this, like you said, would be accepting yourself for who you are. If you were to act differently from how you usually do, it might start to feel tiring, and the attraction that others feel toward you would not be as authentic as when you are just being yourself. There will be someone that shares similar interests to you, and/ or can at least appreciate them. It may take a few dates before you find the right person- and that is okay. In many ways, meeting a few people before stumbling upon the right one will make that person even more special and cherishing. Stay positive, be open to encountering some mismatches, and remember to just be yourself! - Best, David
I’m going to start by saying that there very well could be something besides your personality that is preventing a second date. For example, Tinder meet-ups tend to be a more casual way of meeting people. Tinder has a reputation for being an app that many people utilize for finding casual relationships and not serious ones. This reputation then creates a cycle in which people interested in casual relationships head to Tinder. Now if you’re pretty sure that it is your personality that is preventing a second date, don’t change yourself. Like you said, you must find someone who values your personality. However, there are ways to be more outgoing on a first date that might help you land a second date. On first dates, people want to get to know each other. Make sure you find the right balance between talking about yourself and listening to your date. Also, if you had a good time on the date, don’t be afraid to mention that you had fun and you hope to see the person again. Good luck! Simran