Finding love...what's the secret?

February 23, 2018

​     "How do you find love, like in general?" 

Love does not have to be outwardly grand and involve a bouquet of flowers and a life-size bear; you can find love in the smallest things that people do for you. You may find it when spending time with them is blissful, and you cannot wait to see them again. Oftentimes, love involves sacrifice. In the context of us students, we are all very busy and have our own schedules. But those whom we make time for, and those who make time for us, show commitment to the relationship and a willingness to carve out time to spend with each other. That being said though, it is hard to actively “find” love. Love happens over time, and oftentimes happens without immediate realization. Love can be found in the most unexpected situations. It would help to join organizations, form study groups, and get out of your comfort zone to meet lots of new and wonderful people. Think about some good qualities that would help you build a deeper relationship. This could involve being respectful to others, listening carefully and getting to know them better, finding more ways to spend time with them via events, and giving thoughtful gifts, big or small. As long as you are open to receiving love, you do not have to actively find love- love will find you!

Best, David

Hi there!

I think that in general, love isn't something that you necessarily go out and find. Of course, most people have the end goal of eventually finding someone who they love and who loves them back. But the ways in which people accomplish this goal come about in many different ways. Some people find their true love at age 14 while for others it's more like 64. Nowadays, many people have good luck with online dating while other happy couples have known each other forever. In all situations, though, I think that you have to enter into a relationship with genuine uncertainty about whether or not it will result in love. Don't force relationships to try to find love, but at the same time, give enough of yourself to a relationship to try to foster deeper feelings, if that's what you're looking for. Put yourself out there, be open about what you want, and the right person will come along. Good luck!  


Opening up to yourself is an important first step. Once you understand what you want, you'll better understand what you're looking for. As well as understanding what you want, finding parts of yourself that you love will help show off to others what you value, and people who value similar things will naturally gravitate towards you. If you don't know how to "be yourself", try just indulging in things you enjoy and get involved with others that are doing what you find fun and get to know them. Everyone is shy around everyone else, so try to take the first step because often, everyone is waiting for someone else to take the first step and if you are too, you're not going to get anywhere. Remember that it's okay to fail, and that the worst that could happen is that you learn something new. Good luck!


Love is such a tricky, yet beautiful topic. Love comes in many different forms and can be shown in a countless number of ways. However, to your question, I'm assuming you are referring to finding someone to love/to love you. I'm a firm believer that love should happen naturally. I prefer not to rush into anything and search for love in college. From my personal experience, love comes to you. You can actively get to know someone and see if you're compatible, but I guarantee that you won't be able to immediately determine whether or not you've found love. I believe the first thing to do before you begin trying to find love is to know who you really are-- know yourself! Self-esteem and confidence encourage people to gravitate towards you. When you are confident in who you are, that shows! Here are some ways to possibly find (someone to) "love":

Give people a chance! Don't be so willing to say "no" to someone without fully giving them a chance. You'd be surprised by how different people actually are once you warm up to them. no one is perfect, and first impressions sometimes don't turn out the way they should.

Live your life and find someone who enjoys similar things
: Do your favorite hobbies, sports, and other activities and find someone who's on a similar playing field. Compatibility is something to keep in mind when you are finding someone. See if you both can overcome differences without large disputes.

Don't rush things
Don't be afraid to take things slow and really get to know someone you meet. Let things fall into place and don't force anything to happen that is obviously not working. Gauge the situation and determine if you are truly happy.

Despite what I mentioned above, love isn't just about finding someone that will like/love everything about you. Love can also be found in family, friends, and most importantly--yourself! Love the way that you look, laugh, smile, run, etc! Love yourself before you love anyone else.  


They say all is fair in love and war because there really isn't a right or wrong way to go about finding love. But I think some questions to ask yourself before doing that is whether or not you know what you want to find and whether or not you love yourself. I think love is harder to find when you don't love yourself because it means your not putting your whole, true self out there for someone to find. So, how do you find love? It happens in all sorts of different ways. Some say you have to go out and look for it and some people believe it'll run to you when you least expect it. But to give you a more concrete answer here are some statistical pointers:

  • most relationships are found through pre-existing connections such as friends and workspaces
  • though romanticized, meetings at bars have led to a very small number of lasting relationships
  • online dating (though growing) has led to about 10% of relationships

Best of luck in your love-related endeavors.