Connection Cafe - Dating at Berkeley

March 25, 2016

​Hi, this is my first semester at Cal as a transfer student and I have only gone on 1 date so far. I realized that balancing life here at Cal is not an easy task, given the academic rigor here is quite real. I was just wondering how I can get more dates while spending my time here at Cal. Thanks!​

It’s awesome that you’re trying to find a balance between work and fun! Here are some suggestions as for how you can get more dates:

Be confident! Talk to people you’re interested in, and build up a rapport with them. If they seem interested too, ask them out! Yes, it’s much easier to say than to do, but at least taking the first step and initiating the conversation will increase your confidence level.
Ask your friends to help out. If they know people who have similar interests to you and are open to dating, ask them to set you up.
Use the power of technology. There are tons of online dating website and apps that make it easier than ever to connect with people. However, just keep in mind that not everyone using those sources may want the same things you want, so stick to your guns.
Once you get those first dates, here’s how to get follow-ups (if you want that):

Pay attention to what the other person is saying and be responsive.
Keep an open mind; someone who seems a little uncool initially might actually be the most fascinating person you’ve ever met.
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. You deserve to be with people who like you as you are. Also, being fake can backfire, as most people will be able to tell that something is off and lose interest because of it. But, at the same time, you may want to tone down some aspects of your personality you might have that could make people who don’t know you well uncomfortable. Let them get to know your awesomeness first before your flaws.
Even if you don’t end up going as many dates as you like, remember that it may be more a reflection of your peers than you, as the popularity of college dating has decreased over the past decade. Also, dating isn’t completely controllable on your end, so it’s best not to stress about it or work too hard. Good luck!



Generally speaking, dating can be tricky, even challenging a lot of times. Although being a student at a demanding school such as Cal may make romance be perceived as a luxury of few, it is important to remember that at Cal or not many people struggle with the dating scene and at times are even scared of the practice.

With that said, try not to let the fact that now you are now a Cal Bear intimidate you from investing on your love life simultaneously. You can absolutely sensibly accommodate dating in your student life style whilst still maintaining yourself responsible with your work and priorities.

Now you might be asking “how?” And unfortunately I cannot provide you with the magical, unfailing plan to make dating go perfectly smooth. Again, I don’t think that would be a matter of whether you are a Cal student or not, but more associated with dating’s essence and reality themselves, in general.

However, I can advise you to be open-minded to and proactive towards new potential ways to meeting people: from a friendly smile at a café (”Love” or not. ha!) to simply joining a dating app. Keep in mind that the more you expose yourself to new or diverse groups of people, the more opportunities you’ll have to meet interesting folks. For that matter consider joining student organizations or clubs; recreational classes/sport teams; study groups; fun DeCals; participating in campus events; and volunteering opportunities.

Remember, there’s no right place or appropriate time to fall in love, and considering that usually happens as a consequence of dating, similar mentality when it comes to that should help to make things happen. Good luck!