Parents & Community

Helping Your Student When Stress Turns to Distress
A Guide for Parents

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College or graduate school is a wonderful time but it can be a stressful time as well. Everyone experiences some level of stress in daily life. Stress is our body's way of responding to a physical, emotional or intellectual challenge. What student has not felt a bit stressed during a difficult school assignment or before an exam? However, if the stress levels are consistently high and the student feels overwhelmed, s/he is no longer experiencing ordinary, everyday stress, but rather, distress. When distress occurs, the person becomes more vulnerable to mental health issues like depression and anxiety. Having strong family support can help a student keep stress levels at a manageable level.

 

Some common sources of stress include:

  • Academics: Classes at Cal are fast-paced, competitive and packed with volumes of challenging material. In addition, faculty expectations around the quality of the student's work are much higher than those experienced by students in high school or community college, or even at a different undergraduate program. Many students who are used to being the first in their class will receive their first "B" or "C" grade.
  • Living on one's own: Living independently from parents and adult guardians means taking care of daily tasks like shopping, cooking and eating 3 meals a day, getting enough sleep, and doing laundry while managing their academic and social lives.
  • Time management: Cal students are busy. Effective time management means juggling the demands of classes, extracurricular activities and social time. It's easy to get overcommitted by saying "yes" to too many extracurricular opportunities. Doing the minimum like not attending classes or procrastinating on assignments can also lead to academic difficulties.
  • Finances: Many students support themselves with financial aid and money from jobs. Learning to budget money in order to pay for tuition, housing and living expenses can be a constant worry.
  • Roommate conflicts: Ideally a student can return to a peaceful room or apartment after a full day of school. However, roommate conflicts can lead to tense and stressful living situation.
  • Disappointment with school choice: College or graduate school life may not match up with the initial excitement and expectations of being accepted at this prestigious university.
  • Personal or parental expectations: When expectations are high or unrealistic, students often feel they have failed or let their families down.
  • First generation college student: Navigating through college without the guidance and experience of parents or siblings can be especially stressful.

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Knowing When to Get Help

Dramatic changes in physical appearance, moods or behaviors can be signs that the level of distress is beyond your student's ability to manage. If your student is unable to take care of daily life tasks (i.e., caring for one's health and well-being, academics, work or social life), encourage him/her to seek professional help.

Signs to Look For:

  • Social withdrawal (not wanting to be around people)
  • Marked change in appearance (weight loss/gain or poor hygiene)
  • Excessive self-criticism (saying very negative things about self)
  • Tearful calls home outnumber the calm calls
  • Talk of hopelessness ("I don't see any point in continuing")
  • Excessive fatigue or lethargic mood ( too tired to do something that used to be fun)
  • Extreme bursts of energy, rapid speech
  • Inability to think and concentrate
  • Missed assignments/exams/classes; dramatic change in grades
  • References to suicide or self-harm

Things You Can Do For Your Student:

  • Listen and be supportive.
  • Express your concerns directly.
  • Let your child know s/he can call you anytime and talk about anything.
  • Encourage your student to contact Tang's Counseling and Psychological Services. Emphasize this is not a sign of weakness.

Things You Can Do For Yourself:

  • Be supportive without asking too many questions or taking over.
  • Whenever possible, allow your student to take the next step.
  • If your student is unable or unwilling to get help, offer your assistance.
  • Call the Counseling and Psychological Services office if you're concerned. We are here to consult with you.

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Resources