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Abstinence

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What is abstinence?
Abstinence means not having sex. Data from a 2006 survey show that 34% of Cal students had no sexual partners in the previous school year. You may abstain from certain sexual acts and not others. For ideas about how to be intimate with a partner while staying abstinent, read about "outercourse". You may abstain for a day, a week, or a year - even if you have been sexually active in the past. Being abstinent can also mean waiting to choose the right person, time, and circumstances to be sexual.

Choosing the right person:
You may have certain standards about a person with whom you would consider having sex. You might want to have respect, trust, or love before having sex. Choosing the right time:
Perhaps school is too stressful, you're still dealing with a bad break-up, or you're just not ready for a variety of personal reasons. Choosing the right circumstances:
Are you under the influence of alcohol and aren't sure about how far you want to go? Do you want sex to be in the context of a defined relationship?


Why do people choose abstinence?
People abstain from sex for many reasons - even after they've been sexually active. Some of these reasons include:

  • waiting until they're ready
  • focusing on academics and other activities
  • waiting to find the "right" partner
  • preventing pregnancy and STIs
  • getting over a breakup
  • supporting personal, cultural, or religious values


If you decide to be abstinent, think about the reasons for your decision. Plan ahead so you know how you'll handle potentially tricky situations. Remember that alcohol and other drugs can impair your judgment. Try to find supportive people in your life to talk to about your decision. Think about how you might talk to a current or future partner about your decision.

Finally, don't reevaluate your decision to be abstinent when you're in a sexual situation. Wait until later, when you can think about it with a clear head. When you do choose to stop being abstinent, be sure that you know how to protect yourself from STIs and unintended pregnancy.


Related services at the Tang Center

For Students
  • Sexual Health Education Program (SHEP).
    • Any Cal student can make an appointment to see a trained peer educator to talk about a variety of sexual health issues. Partners are also welcome to attend. Call (510) 642-2000.
    • Peer educators are available to lead workshops about sexuality for your living center, class, or student group. You can request a workshop online.

For Students, Faculty and Staff

 

Additional online resources

Alternatives to Sex: Outercourse
Information about "outercourse" options for sexual activity, for people who choose not to have sexual intercourse (affiliated with Planned Parenthood).

Go Ask Alice
Non-judgmental Q&A website for college students, on topics including sexual health, sexuality, relationships, and much more (affiliated with Columbia University).

Disclaimer: The information provided here is not intended to diagnose, treat or provide a second opinion on any health problem or disease. It is meant to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between an individual and his/her clinician.

Last revised: April 2008

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