What to Do If You are Sexually Assaulted/Raped

IF YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER, CALL 911.
Go to a safe place. This is not the time to be alone. At the very least, you need emotional support. If there is no one to go to, then call someone you can talk to, no matter how late it is. (See places where you can get help)
Get medical attention. As soon as possible, go to a hospital or the Urgent Care center at Tang to be examined and treated for any injuries. If you decide to report, physical specimens collected soon after the rape will be valuable evidence. Do not shower or clean yourself first. The Tang Center is not an "evidence collection" site, so if you do want to file charges, arrangements will be made for you to go to Highland Hospital, which is designated as the "evidence collection" site for sexual assaults that occur in the Berkeley/Oakland area.
Report the assault to police and university officials, whether or not you plan to file charges. Reporting a rape does not commit you to filing charges. When you make your report, you may take someone with you. You can go the next day, but the sooner the better. Rarely do rapists attack one person only; they get away with it and so they continue to do it.
Consider whether you want to file charges with the police and/or with the campus authorities if your alleged assailant is a student. Pressing charges can be a long, painful process. Each person must decide for themselves, based on their own circumstances, whether it makes sense to go through it. Social Services staff are available to help you consider the pros and cons of filing charges. You may also speak with the UC Police about what will happen before making your decision.
Make space for healing. You have been through a trauma and need to make space for your own emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual healing. You may be overwhelmed by many different emotions - fear, grief, guilt, shame, rage. It is important to seek support. There are many different options, such as talking with a counselor at the Tang Center, joining a survivors group (offered at the Tang Center) or talking with a friend. People who receive counseling tend to recover from their experiences faster and with fewer lasting effects than those who get no help. Recovery from rape doesn't mean that it's as if the rape never happened. Recovery does mean that, over time, the survivor is not thinking about the rape-their emotions are not dominated by it. The survivor is able to envision a future, to set goals and work to achieve them. Their life moves forward.
Do not blame yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. You need to be assured that you are not to blame for the rape. Even if your body responded sexually to the rapist, it does not mean you "enjoyed" the experience or that it is your fault. Even if you believe you were naīve, not cautious, or even foolish, it is not your fault. Your behavior did not cause the rape; the rapist caused the rape.

What to Do If You Had Sex When You Didn't Really Want to

Do not blame yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. You need to be assured that you are not to blame for what happened. Even if your body responded sexually, it does not mean you wanted to have sex or that it is your fault. Sex with a partner can be confusing and involve lots of unclear or misunderstood communication. Even if you believe you didn't say no, or didn't say no enough, or could have stopped having sex if you had tried or tried harder, it is not your fault. Your behavior did not cause sex to happen; your partner caused the sex to happen.

Make space for healing. Just as in the case of sexual assault (see above) you have been through an unpleasant, intimate experience, a violation and need to make space for your own emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual healing. If your sexual partner is someone in an intimate relationship with you (a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, &c.). there may be an additional sense of violation-a loss of safety or trust. Just as in the case of sexual assault,, the same things apply: You may be overwhelmed by many different emotions - fear, grief, guilt, shame, rage. It is important to seek support, and your partner is not likely to be able to provide the support you need. There are many different options, such as talking with a counselor at the Tang Center, joining a group (offered at the Tang Center) or talking with a friend. People who receive counseling tend to recover from their painful experiences faster and with fewer lasting effects than those who get no help.

Evaluate what has happened to you. Use your support system to think about what happened. Unwanted sex is a violation of a person, and what happened to you could have been rape or sexual assault, even if you are reluctant to use these terms. A recent national survey showed that nearly half of college-age women who underwent actual or attempted rape could not bring themselves to define it as such, given what it would imply about what happened to them, their relationships and their partners. If this occurred in the context of a short- or long-term relationship, what does it say about your relationship? What would you want to tell your partner? Is it really safe to tell your partner this? If you decide on boundaries, will she/he respect them? And the bottom-line question is: are you safe in this relationship? You will have to decide answers to these questions, and you can get support for this as well from the Tang Center or other support systems.

Your Physical, Emotional and Sexual Safety is First and Foremost. You have the absolute right to be safe from unwanted sex and to have your safety respected by your friends, dates and other relationships. You don't need to be with anyone who can't provide these things.

Disclaimer: The information provided here is not intended to diagnose, treat or provide a second opinion on any health problem or disease. It is meant to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between an individual and his/her clinician.

Last Revised: September 2004

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